Ask For It receives mostly positive reviews, with readers praising its practical advice on negotiation for women. Many found it eye-opening and empowering, helping them ask for more in their careers and personal lives. The book's numerous examples and stories resonated with readers, though some found them repetitive. Critics noted potential drawbacks of aggressive negotiation and wished for more nuanced advice. Overall, reviewers recommend it as an essential read for women seeking to improve their negotiation skills and advocate for themselves.
Recognize Your Value and Overcome Self-Doubt
Research and Preparation Are Key to Successful Negotiations
Set High Targets and Ask for More Than You Want
Use Cooperative Bargaining to Create Win-Win Solutions
Time Your Negotiations Strategically
Practice and Role-Play to Build Confidence
Maintain Likability While Negotiating Assertively
Control the Pace and Take Breaks When Needed
Focus on Your Target and Resist Settling Too Quickly
"If you're a woman, you probably have a voice inside your head that whispers: 'Are you sure you're as good as you think you are?'"
Overcome internal barriers. Women often underestimate their worth and hesitate to ask for what they deserve. This self-doubt can lead to missed opportunities and lower compensation. To combat this:
Recognize and challenge the negative voice in your head
Acknowledge your accomplishments and unique skills
Seek feedback from trusted colleagues and mentors
Compare yourself to appropriate benchmarks, not just other women
Embrace your right to negotiate. Understand that negotiation is not just for high-stakes situations but a tool for everyday life improvement. By recognizing your value and right to negotiate, you can:
Increase your salary and benefits
Gain more responsibility and better opportunities
Improve work-life balance
Enhance personal and professional relationships
"Information is power in a negotiation. The more information you have, the better equipped you'll be to set an aggressive but realistic target and defend your position confidently and persuasively."
Gather comprehensive information. Before entering any negotiation, arm yourself with knowledge about:
Market rates for your position or services
Your organization's financial health and policies
The other party's interests, constraints, and decision-making process
Industry trends and benchmarks
Utilize multiple sources. To build a strong case:
Use online resources like salary databases and industry reports
Leverage your professional network for insider information
Consult with mentors or career coaches
Analyze company financial reports and public disclosures
By thoroughly researching and preparing, you'll be able to set realistic targets, anticipate objections, and negotiate from a position of strength.
"If you never hear no, you're not asking enough."
Aim high and anchor strategically. Setting ambitious targets is crucial for achieving better outcomes in negotiations. Research shows a direct correlation between what you ask for and what you get.
Set your target above what you actually want
Make your first offer higher than your target
Use the "anchoring" effect to your advantage by starting high
Overcome the fear of overreaching. Many women worry about seeming greedy or unreasonable. Combat this by:
Reminding yourself of your worth and the value you bring
Practicing asking for more in low-stakes situations
Reframing "no" as a normal part of the negotiation process, not a personal rejection
Remember, you're more likely to leave money on the table by asking for too little than by aiming too high.
"When people work together to achieve a mutually satisfactory solution, they're more likely to feel committed to the terms of that agreement."
Focus on interests, not positions. Cooperative bargaining involves understanding the underlying interests of both parties and finding creative solutions that satisfy those interests.
Ask open-ended questions to understand the other party's needs
Share information about your own interests and priorities
Look for ways to "expand the pie" and create value for both sides
Use logrolling techniques. Trade items of different value to each party:
Identify issues that are high priority for you but low priority for them
Offer concessions on less important issues in exchange for gains on more important ones
Propose package deals that address multiple interests simultaneously
By taking a collaborative approach, you can reach agreements that are more satisfying and durable for both parties.
"Ask when your bargaining power is high and when the other negotiators will be most receptive to your proposal."
Choose the right moment. Timing can significantly impact the outcome of your negotiation. Consider:
Your recent accomplishments or successes
The organization's financial health and growth periods
Changes in leadership or organizational structure
The other party's mood and stress levels
Be proactive, but patient. While it's important to negotiate early and often, sometimes waiting for the right moment can yield better results:
After completing a major project or receiving recognition
During performance reviews or budget planning periods
When the organization is experiencing growth or success
However, don't wait too long. Prolonged frustration can lead to negative emotions that hinder effective negotiation.
"Rehearsing ahead of time can prevent this from happening. Once you've anticipated and experienced an emotion while role-playing, that emotion won't feel as raw and powerful when it strikes in your real negotiation."
Simulate real negotiations. Role-playing helps you:
Anticipate potential objections and practice responses
Manage emotions and stay focused on your goals
Refine your language and delivery
Prepare for various scenarios. During role-play:
Practice with different personalities (aggressive, passive, collaborative)
Rehearse handling unexpected turns in the conversation
Experiment with various negotiation strategies and tactics
Seek feedback. After role-playing:
Ask your partner for honest critique on your performance
Identify areas for improvement in your arguments and delivery
Refine your approach based on the feedback received
Regular practice will build your confidence and help you stay calm and focused during actual negotiations.
"Make an extra effort to appear likable during your negotiation. This doesn't mean that you should change the substance of what you're asking for or soft-pedal your ambitions and goals."
Balance assertiveness with warmth. Research shows that women face a unique challenge in negotiations: they must be assertive to be effective, but risk being perceived negatively if they come across as too aggressive.
To navigate this:
Use a friendly, collaborative tone
Frame requests in terms of mutual benefit
Express appreciation for the other party's time and consideration
Employ "relentlessly pleasant" strategies:
Smile and maintain warm eye contact
Use inclusive language ("we" instead of "I")
Acknowledge the other party's perspective
Stay calm and composed, even if tensions rise
By combining assertiveness with likability, you can advocate for yourself effectively while maintaining positive relationships.
"Don't let yourself be rushed. Professional negotiators know that managing the pace of a negotiation prevents confusion."
Manage the tempo. Controlling the pace of the negotiation allows you to:
Process information thoroughly
Formulate thoughtful responses
Avoid making hasty decisions under pressure
Strategies for pacing:
Ask clarifying questions to slow things down
Summarize points to ensure mutual understanding
Request time to review complex information
Take strategic breaks. Pausing the negotiation can be beneficial when:
You need to regroup or consult with others
Emotions are running high
You receive unexpected information or proposals
Don't hesitate to say, "Let's take a short break to consider this." Use this time to reassess your strategy and maintain your composure.
"Remember what you really want, what you've identified as your goal, and keep that idea squarely in front of you as you proceed."
Stay focused on your goal. Throughout the negotiation:
Keep your target value at the forefront of your mind
Resist the urge to settle for your reservation value (minimum acceptable outcome)
Be prepared to make multiple counteroffers
Strategies for maintaining focus:
Write down your target and refer to it during breaks
Visualize achieving your goal to stay motivated
Use anchoring techniques to keep the negotiation centered around your target
Avoid premature agreement. Research shows that focusing on your target, rather than your minimum acceptable outcome, leads to better results. Be willing to extend the negotiation and make multiple attempts to reach your goal before settling.
Remember, the negotiation isn't over until both parties agree. By staying focused on your target and resisting the urge to settle quickly, you increase your chances of achieving the outcome you truly want.