Bad Therapy

We have raised the loneliest, most anxious, depressed, pessimistic, helpless, and fearful generation on record. Why?

Therapeutic takeover. The mental health industry has infiltrated every aspect of child-rearing and education. Parents and educators, in an attempt to raise "happy kids," have embraced a therapeutic approach that treats normal childhood experiences as potential traumas. This has led to an epidemic of over-diagnosis, over-medication, and over-intervention in children's lives.

Therapeutic interventions now dominate:

• Parenting styles

• Educational approaches

• Social interactions

• Emotional development

Consequences of this approach:

• Increased anxiety and depression in youth

• Decreased resilience and independence

• Overreliance on external validation and support

"If you want to, let's say, climb a mountain, if you start asking yourself after two steps, 'How do I feel?,' you'll stay at the bottom."

Emotional overemphasis. The current obsession with constantly monitoring and discussing children's emotions can paradoxically lead to increased emotional instability and decreased resilience. This approach, while well-intentioned, often prevents children from developing natural coping mechanisms and problem-solving skills.

Negative effects of constant emotional focus:

• Increased rumination and anxiety

• Difficulty in completing tasks and overcoming challenges

• Decreased ability to regulate emotions independently

Alternative approaches:

• Encourage action orientation over state orientation

• Allow children to experience and overcome minor discomforts

• Focus on problem-solving rather than emotional processing

"To anyone from a more collectivistic culture, this is just insane."

Trauma overreach. The widespread adoption of "trauma-informed" approaches in schools and parenting has led to a tendency to pathologize normal childhood experiences. This can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, where children begin to see themselves as damaged or traumatized even when they are not.

Issues with trauma-informed approaches:

• Overdiagnosis of mental health issues

• Creation of dependency on therapeutic interventions

• Undermining of natural resilience and coping mechanisms

Historical perspective:

• Previous generations faced significant hardships without widespread trauma

• Resilience was the norm, not the exception

"I think we are destroying our children by telling them they can't get over whatever hurts."

SEL drawbacks. While social-emotional learning (SEL) programs are marketed as beneficial, they often have unintended negative consequences. These programs can undermine children's natural development of social skills, emotional regulation, and problem-solving abilities.

Problematic aspects of SEL:

• Overemphasis on discussing and analyzing emotions

• Interference with natural peer interactions and conflict resolution

• Creation of dependency on adult intervention in social situations

Alternative approaches:

• Allow for more unstructured play and social interaction

• Teach resilience through natural consequences

• Encourage independence in problem-solving

"ADHD is Not an Illness and Ritalin Is Not a Cure."

Diagnostic inflation. The mental health industry's tendency to pathologize normal childhood behaviors has led to an epidemic of overdiagnosis and overmedication. This approach often fails to address underlying issues and can create lifelong dependencies on medication.

Consequences of overdiagnosis and overmedication:

• Altered brain chemistry during crucial developmental periods

• Masked underlying issues that may require different interventions

• Creation of a self-fulfilling prophecy of mental illness

Alternative approaches:

• Focus on behavioral and environmental interventions

• Consider medication as a last resort, not a first-line treatment

• Recognize the wide range of normal childhood behaviors

"Parents know this. It's why—before the experts got involved—we were always beta testing our kids: teasing, hectoring, hugging. Letting them feel the pain of ignoring our warnings but then helping them up, brushing them off, sending them on their way."

Authority undermined. The rise of therapeutic parenting styles and the constant deference to expert opinions has eroded parental authority and confidence. This shift has left many parents feeling inadequate and unsure of how to guide their children effectively.

Factors contributing to eroded parental authority:

• Overreliance on expert opinions

• Fear of causing emotional harm

• Societal pressure to be "perfect" parents

Consequences of diminished parental authority:

• Confusion and insecurity in children

• Lack of clear boundaries and expectations

• Increased power struggles within families

"Moderate deprivation and sacrifice, challenge, independence, risk that comes with autonomy—all of those turned out to be very good for these kids."

Controlled adversity. Children benefit from experiencing appropriate levels of risk, independence, and challenge. These experiences build resilience, problem-solving skills, and self-confidence that are crucial for adult life.

Benefits of controlled adversity:

• Development of problem-solving skills

• Increased self-confidence and self-reliance

• Better preparation for adult challenges

Ways to incorporate controlled adversity:

• Allow for unstructured play and exploration

• Assign age-appropriate responsibilities

• Resist the urge to solve all of children's problems

"Smartphones are an accommodation, a gizmo of avoidance and rumination—the last thing our kids need while they are reaching for adulthood."

Digital dilemma. The ubiquity of smartphones and social media has created unprecedented challenges for children's mental health and social development. These technologies often exacerbate existing issues and create new ones.

Negative impacts of technology on youth:

• Increased anxiety and depression

• Disrupted sleep patterns

• Reduced face-to-face social interactions

• Exposure to cyberbullying and unrealistic social comparisons

Strategies for managing technology use:

• Set clear boundaries and limits on screen time

• Encourage alternative activities and face-to-face interactions

• Model healthy technology use as parents

"We didn't want to place our kids in a chemical straitjacket. We didn't plan to spend our days dreaming up manipulative ways to cover for them when they failed."

Back to basics. Many traditional parenting approaches, which have been discarded in favor of modern therapeutic methods, often produce better outcomes for children. These time-tested methods typically emphasize clear boundaries, natural consequences, and gradual independence.

Benefits of traditional parenting approaches:

• Clear expectations and boundaries

• Development of self-reliance and problem-solving skills

• Preparation for real-world challenges

Key traditional parenting principles:

• Consistent discipline and consequences

• Gradual increase in responsibilities and freedoms

• Emphasis on character development over emotional coddling

"You are somebody in this world because you are everything to your kid. When she considers how an adult should conduct herself, her mind invariably turns to you."

Parental empowerment. Restoring parental confidence and authority is essential for raising well-adjusted, resilient children. Parents need to trust their instincts and judgment, rather than constantly deferring to outside experts or therapeutic approaches.

Steps to restore parental confidence:

• Trust your instincts and knowledge of your child

• Set clear boundaries and expectations

• Allow natural consequences for actions

Benefits of restored parental authority:

• Increased sense of security for children

• Clearer guidance and direction in life

• Stronger family bonds and relationships

Parents should remember that they are the ultimate experts on their own children and have the right and responsibility to make decisions about their upbringing. By reclaiming their authority and confidence, parents can provide the stable, loving environment that children need to thrive.