Give and Take explores how people's giving styles impact success. Grant categorizes individuals as givers, takers, or matchers, arguing that givers often end up at both extremes of success. The book offers insights on effective giving strategies and avoiding burnout. While some readers found it enlightening and well-researched, others criticized its lack of intersectionality and overreliance on anecdotes. Many appreciated Grant's storytelling approach and the book's optimistic view of success through generosity, though some felt it could have been more concise and nuanced in its analysis.
Givers, Takers, and Matchers: Understanding Reciprocity Styles
The Surprising Success of Givers: How Generosity Leads to Achievement
Building Powerful Networks: The Giver's Advantage in Connections
Collaboration and Credit: How Givers Elevate Team Performance
Discovering Hidden Potential: The Giver's Approach to Talent Development
The Power of Powerless Communication: Influence Through Humility
Avoiding Burnout: Sustainable Giving Strategies for Long-Term Success
Overcoming the Doormat Effect: Balancing Generosity with Self-Interest
Creating a Culture of Giving: Fostering Generosity in Organizations
"Givers, takers, and matchers all can—and do—achieve success. But there's something distinctive that happens when givers succeed: it spreads and cascades."
Three reciprocity styles. People generally fall into one of three categories in their approach to professional interactions:
Givers: Focused on others' needs, contribute without expecting anything in return
Takers: Prioritize their own interests, seek to gain more than they give
Matchers: Strive for equal exchange, giving and taking in balanced proportions
Impact on success. While all styles can lead to success, givers have a unique potential for widespread impact:
Takers may achieve short-term gains but often burn bridges
Matchers maintain equilibrium but limit their network growth
Givers create ripple effects, elevating those around them and building lasting relationships
Misconceptions about giving. Many assume givers finish last, but research shows:
Givers are overrepresented at both the bottom and top of success ladders
Successful givers develop strategies to avoid exploitation while maintaining their generous nature
"Being a giver is not good for a 100-yard dash, but it's valuable in a marathon."
Long-term perspective. Givers' success often unfolds over time:
Initial sacrifices may seem detrimental in the short term
Benefits accumulate through building trust, reputation, and relationships
Givers create expanding networks of support and opportunity
Psychological advantages. Giving cultivates positive traits that contribute to success:
Increased empathy and perspective-taking abilities
Enhanced problem-solving skills through diverse collaborations
Greater resilience and adaptability in face of challenges
Real-world examples. Successful givers across various fields demonstrate the power of generosity:
Abraham Lincoln's political rise through consistent giving and collaboration
Adam Rifkin's network-building through "five-minute favors"
David Hornik's success as a venture capitalist by prioritizing entrepreneurs' needs
"By giving more than they get, givers build deeper and broader networks that often lead to greater opportunities."
Network expansion. Givers naturally create larger, more diverse networks:
Willingness to help without expectation attracts diverse connections
Reputation for generosity leads to more introductions and opportunities
Ability to reconnect with "dormant ties" provides access to new resources
Quality of connections. Giver networks tend to be stronger and more supportive:
Trust-based relationships lead to more meaningful exchanges
Reciprocity from past giving creates a reservoir of goodwill
Diverse network provides access to varied skills and knowledge
Strategies for network building:
Practice "five-minute favors" - small acts of giving that require minimal time
Actively reconnect with dormant ties to revitalize old relationships
Focus on adding value to others rather than immediate personal gain
"When givers succeed, it spreads and cascades. When takers win, there's usually someone else who loses."
Enhancing team dynamics. Givers create positive collaborative environments:
Foster psychological safety, encouraging open communication and creativity
Elevate team performance by sharing knowledge and resources freely
Inspire reciprocal giving among team members
Credit distribution. Givers' approach to credit impacts team success:
Willingness to share credit builds trust and motivation
Recognizing others' contributions encourages future collaboration
Avoiding credit-hogging prevents resentment and competition
Case study: George Meyer and The Simpsons. The success of comedy writer George Meyer illustrates the giver advantage:
Consistently contributed ideas without demanding credit
Created an environment where others felt comfortable sharing
Elevated the overall quality of the show through collaborative giving
"Givers don't wait for signs of potential. Because they tend to be trusting and optimistic about other people's intentions, in their roles as leaders, managers, and mentors, givers are inclined to see the potential in everyone."
Recognizing potential. Givers excel at identifying and nurturing talent:
Focus on motivation and effort rather than just raw ability
Provide opportunities for growth and development
Believe in the capacity for improvement in others
Strategies for talent development:
Create psychological safety to encourage risk-taking and learning
Offer specific, constructive feedback to promote growth
Provide challenging assignments that stretch abilities
Real-world impact. Examples of givers' talent development success:
C.J. Skender's approach to teaching accounting, producing top performers
Stu Inman's talent scouting in the NBA, finding "diamonds in the rough"
Mentors who see potential in unconventional candidates and help them succeed
"Takers tend to worry that revealing weaknesses will compromise their dominance and authority. Givers are much more comfortable expressing vulnerability: they're interested in helping others, not gaining power over them, so they're not afraid of exposing chinks in their armor."
Counterintuitive influence. Powerless communication can be more effective than dominance:
Expressing vulnerability builds trust and rapport
Asking questions and seeking advice engages others and shows respect
Tentative language allows for collaborative problem-solving
Strategies for powerless communication:
Use hesitations, hedges, and disclaimers to soften assertive statements
Practice asking more questions and actively listening to responses
Share personal weaknesses or mistakes to create connections
Applications across domains:
Sales: Building trust through genuine interest in customer needs
Negotiation: Creating value through understanding others' perspectives
Leadership: Inspiring followership through humility and openness
"Selfless giving, in the absence of self-preservation instincts, easily becomes overwhelming."
Balancing giving and self-care. Successful givers maintain their energy and motivation:
Recognize the importance of personal well-being
Set boundaries to prevent exploitation
Engage in "otherish" giving that benefits both self and others
Strategies for sustainable giving:
Chunk giving into dedicated time blocks rather than constant availability
Focus on high-impact activities that align with personal values and skills
Seek support and reciprocity from a network of fellow givers
Importance of impact. Seeing the results of giving prevents burnout:
Connect with beneficiaries to understand the impact of contributions
Celebrate small wins and progress toward larger goals
Reflect on the ripple effects of giving beyond immediate recipients
"Givers need to be otherish: they care about benefiting others, but they also have ambitious goals for advancing their own interests."
Avoiding exploitation. Successful givers protect themselves from takers:
Develop skills in identifying potential takers through "sincerity screening"
Practice "generous tit for tat" - starting with giving but reciprocating others' behavior
Learn to say no to requests that don't align with personal or organizational goals
Assertiveness for givers. Balancing generosity with self-advocacy:
Reframe self-promotion as a way to increase capacity for giving
Practice advocating for others as a stepping stone to self-advocacy
Use powerless communication techniques to make requests more palatable
Case studies in balance. Examples of givers maintaining boundaries:
Lillian Bauer's journey from pushover to successful consultant
Adam Grant's evolution in teaching and mentoring approaches
Successful givers in various fields who maintain integrity while achieving success
"When people assume that others aren't givers, they act and speak in ways that discourage others from giving, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy."
Organizational impact. Cultivating a giving culture leads to numerous benefits:
Increased collaboration and knowledge sharing
Higher employee engagement and job satisfaction
Improved problem-solving and innovation
Strategies for fostering giving:
Implement peer recognition programs to highlight acts of giving
Create opportunities for structured giving, like "Reciprocity Rings"
Model giving behavior at leadership levels
Overcoming barriers. Addressing common obstacles to organizational giving:
Combat the assumption that giving is rare or naive
Provide clear examples of how giving contributes to individual and collective success
Create safe spaces for employees to ask for help and offer assistance