Iron John

Every man carries a longing for his father deep in his soul.

Ancient wisdom in fairy tales. The story of Iron John, collected by the Brothers Grimm, serves as a powerful metaphor for the process of male initiation and development. It illustrates the stages a boy must go through to become a mature, integrated man:

• Encountering the Wild Man (primal masculine energy)

• Leaving the safety of childhood/maternal world

• Descending into "ashes" (grief, humility)

• Developing discipline and skill

• Awakening to romantic love

• Cultivating warrior energy

• Integrating the inner King

This archetypal journey resonates deeply because it speaks to fundamental truths about masculine psychology and development that modern society often neglects or suppresses.

It is necessary to steal the key from under the mother's pillow.

Breaking maternal bonds. A crucial step in male development is separating from the mother's world and influence. This doesn't mean rejecting femininity or women, but rather establishing an independent masculine identity. In many traditional cultures, older men would forcibly separate young boys from their mothers to begin the initiation process.

Modern challenges to this separation:

• Absent fathers/lack of male role models

• Overprotective "helicopter" parenting

• Extended adolescence/delayed adulthood

• Shame around healthy masculine traits

Without this separation, men may remain psychologically enmeshed with the mother, struggling to form mature relationships or tap into their masculine power.

We are living at an important and fruitful moment now, for it is clear to men that the images of adult manhood given by the popular culture are worn out; a man can no longer depend on them.

Rediscovering raw masculinity. The Wild Man in Iron John represents a primal, uncivilized masculine energy that modern men have largely lost touch with. This archetype embodies:

• Connection to nature and instincts

• Passionate intensity and vitality

• Freedom from societal constraints

• Deep wisdom and soulfulness

Reconnecting with this wild energy doesn't mean becoming destructive or antisocial. Rather, it involves reclaiming a more authentic, embodied masculinity that isn't trapped in cultural stereotypes or fear of one's own power.

When the structure for male initiation is not provided by the society or the culture, then the function of the mentor or initiator falls accidentally, often with some violence and distortion, to the mother.

Lost rites of passage. Traditional cultures had clear rituals and processes to guide boys into manhood. These have largely been lost in modern Western society, leaving many men feeling lost or perpetually adolescent. Consequences of this lack include:

• Confusion about male identity and roles

• Prolonged adolescence/delayed maturity

• Unhealthy expressions of masculine energy

• Disconnection from older male wisdom

Creating new forms of male initiation—whether through mentorship, wilderness experiences, or other challenges—is crucial for helping boys become men.

A man's grief is the unexpressed anger at someone who should have loved him better.

Embracing the shadows. A key part of masculine development involves confronting one's wounds, grief, and shadow aspects. This "descent" into ashes or the underworld is necessary for true growth and maturation. It involves:

• Acknowledging childhood wounds

• Grieving lost innocence or unfulfilled potential

• Confronting one's dark side and destructive impulses

• Finding the gold in the darkness (transformation)

Many men avoid this painful process, instead remaining in a state of numbness or perpetual adolescence. True masculine power comes from integrating these shadow elements rather than suppressing them.

The warrior is the one who says 'no' to invasions of the soul.

Cultivating inner strength. The Warrior archetype represents the ability to set boundaries, take decisive action, and protect what's valuable. Many modern men struggle with an atrophied warrior energy, leading to:

• Inability to stand up for oneself or others

• Lack of discipline and focus

• Difficulty making decisions or taking risks

• Vulnerability to manipulation or abuse

Developing healthy warrior energy involves:

• Physical practices (martial arts, sports)

• Mental discipline and focus

• Cultivating courage and assertiveness

• Learning to channel aggression productively

A balanced warrior protects and serves something greater than himself.

The community of seven beings just mentioned makes a structure that we could imagine as a crystalline underpinning to the soul water.

Embracing multifaceted masculinity. Bly identifies several key masculine archetypes that need integration for wholeness:

1. King - leadership, blessing

2. Warrior - boundaries, action

3. Magician - knowledge, transformation

4. Lover - passion, connection

5. Wild Man - instinct, vitality

6. Grief Man - depth, vulnerability

7. Trickster - humor, subversion

Each archetype offers unique gifts and challenges. True masculine maturity involves embodying all these aspects in a balanced way, rather than getting stuck in just one mode (e.g., only Warrior or only Lover).

The Wild Man encourages and amounts to a trust in what is below.

Rekindling primal bonds. Modern life has largely disconnected men from the natural world, leading to a loss of vitality and grounding. Reconnecting with nature can powerfully awaken masculine energy:

• Wilderness experiences/vision quests

• Working with animals or the land

• Practicing earthing/grounding techniques

• Observing natural cycles and rhythms

This connection taps into ancient masculine archetypes like the Hunter, the Shaman, and the Green Man. It fosters a sense of belonging to something greater than oneself and reawakens primal instincts and wisdom.

When the mythological layer collapses, and the political kings fall, then the patriarchy, as a positive force, is over.

Honoring both polarities. While the book focuses on masculine development, Bly emphasizes the importance of balancing masculine and feminine energies, both within individuals and society. This involves:

• Recognizing the value of both masculine and feminine traits

• Integrating anima (inner feminine) for men

• Cultivating respect between genders

• Addressing unhealthy patriarchal and matriarchal patterns

True power comes from the dynamic interplay of masculine and feminine energies, not the suppression of one or the other.

A man's mentor is the bridge between his father and his 'real' father.

Guided transformation. The role of mentors and initiators is crucial in guiding boys to become mature men. This process involves:

• Older men taking active interest in younger men's development

• Creating challenges and rites of passage

• Passing on wisdom and life skills

• Modeling healthy masculine behavior

In the absence of fathers or strong male role models, mentors can provide the guidance and affirmation young men need to grow into their full potential. This mentorship can take many forms, from formal programs to informal relationships with teachers, coaches, or community elders.