The Good News About Bad Behavior receives mostly positive reviews, with readers praising its research-based approach to modern parenting challenges. Many appreciate the author's emphasis on connection, communication, and consequences over traditional punishment methods. The book explores why children today struggle with self-regulation and offers practical strategies for parents and educators. Some readers found the content repetitive or lacking in specific advice, but most recommend it as a valuable resource for understanding and addressing children's behavior in the 21st century.
The Crisis of Self-Regulation: Today's Children Face Unprecedented Challenges
Connection: The Foundation of Effective Discipline
Communication: The Key to Understanding and Solving Behavioral Issues
Capability Building: Empowering Children with Life Skills
Rethinking Discipline: From Punishment to Problem-Solving
The Apprenticeship Model: A New Approach to Parenting
Creating a Supportive Environment: The Role of Community and Mindfulness
Embracing Imperfection: The Journey of Parental Growth
Simply put, we face a crisis of self-regulation.
Modern challenges. Today's children struggle with self-control more than previous generations due to several factors:
Increased screen time and digital stimulation
Decreased unstructured play and outdoor time
Academic pressure starting at younger ages
Changes in family structure and parental work patterns
Impact on mental health. These challenges have led to:
Rising rates of anxiety, depression, and behavioral disorders
Difficulty in managing emotions and impulses
Struggles with attention and focus in academic settings
The traditional methods of discipline, such as punishment and rewards, are no longer effective in addressing these issues. A new approach is needed to help children develop the skills necessary for self-regulation in today's world.
Connection can transform a fierce conflict—like the stand-off between Maddie and me on that New York City sidewalk—or a child's meltdown.
Building relationships. Strong connections between parents and children are crucial for effective discipline:
Regular one-on-one time without distractions
Physical touch and affection
Verbal encouragement and specific appreciation
Empathy as a tool. Empathetic responses help children:
Feel understood and supported
Develop emotional intelligence
Learn to self-regulate during stressful situations
Research shows that connection and empathy physically change children's brains, strengthening neural pathways for self-regulation. By prioritizing connection, parents create a foundation of trust and understanding that makes discipline more effective and less confrontational.
Childish misbehavior isn't an emergency situation or a sign of something gone wrong, but simply a natural part of growing up.
Active listening. Effective communication involves:
Asking open-ended questions
Reflecting and validating feelings
Avoiding assumptions about the child's motivations
Problem-solving together. Instead of imposing solutions, parents should:
Involve children in identifying problems
Brainstorm potential solutions collaboratively
Agree on a plan of action together
This approach, exemplified by Ross Greene's Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model, helps children develop critical thinking skills and take ownership of their behavior. It shifts the focus from punishment to understanding and addressing the underlying causes of misbehavior.
Children will behave well if they can, Greene teaches.
Life skills development. Parents should focus on teaching:
Emotional regulation techniques
Executive function skills (planning, organization, time management)
Practical household skills appropriate for their age
Gradual independence. Encourage children to:
Take on age-appropriate responsibilities
Make decisions and face consequences
Learn from mistakes in a supportive environment
By viewing misbehavior as a skill deficit rather than willful disobedience, parents can focus on teaching the necessary skills. This approach, exemplified by programs like the PAX Good Behavior Game, builds children's confidence and competence over time.
Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse?
Moving beyond punishment. Traditional discipline methods often:
Damage the parent-child relationship
Fail to teach necessary skills
Reinforce negative behavior patterns
Problem-solving approach. Effective discipline involves:
Identifying the underlying causes of misbehavior
Collaborating with children to find solutions
Setting clear, consistent, and logical consequences
This shift requires parents to view discipline as a teaching opportunity rather than a means of control. By focusing on problem-solving, parents help children develop critical thinking skills and take responsibility for their actions.
The goal of parenting is to work yourself out of the job of parent—to steadily relinquish responsibility and control to your ever-more-capable children.
Key principles:
Connection: Building strong, empathetic relationships
Communication: Active listening and collaborative problem-solving
Capability: Teaching skills and fostering independence
Implementation stages:
Early childhood: Focus on connection and basic skills
School-age: Introduce problem-solving and increased responsibility
Adolescence: Gradually transfer decision-making and accountability
The Apprenticeship Model views parenting as a process of guiding children towards independence, rather than controlling their behavior. It emphasizes long-term skill development over short-term compliance, preparing children for the challenges of adulthood.
We are the only parents our children have, so we must find the courage to be our best selves—and to forgive ourselves when we fall short.
Building community. Parents benefit from:
Connecting with like-minded families
Sharing experiences and strategies
Creating supportive networks for children
Practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness helps parents:
Manage their own emotions and stress
Respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively
Model self-regulation for their children
Creating a supportive environment extends beyond the immediate family. By cultivating community connections and practicing mindfulness, parents can better navigate the challenges of raising children in today's world.
Every day you have hundreds of interactions with your children. When one doesn't go the way you want, never fear. You will soon have a chance for a do-over.
Accepting imperfection. Parents should:
Recognize that mistakes are part of the learning process
Model taking responsibility and making amends
Focus on progress rather than perfection
Continuous learning. Effective parenting involves:
Staying open to new ideas and approaches
Reflecting on successes and challenges
Adapting strategies as children grow and change
The journey of parenting is one of continuous growth and learning. By embracing imperfection and maintaining a growth mindset, parents can create a positive, nurturing environment for their children while also developing their own skills and resilience.