The Second Mountain

"The first mountain is about building up the ego and defining the self, the second mountain is about shedding the ego and losing the self."

The two mountains metaphor illustrates the journey from self-centered achievement to a life of meaningful commitment. The first mountain represents the pursuit of individual success, career advancement, and personal goals. It's characterized by:

• Focus on résumé virtues: wealth, status, and recognition

• Emphasis on individual autonomy and self-actualization

• Pursuit of happiness through personal accomplishments

The second mountain emerges after a period of struggle or disillusionment, leading to a shift in priorities:

• Emphasis on eulogy virtues: character, relationships, and service to others

• Commitment to causes larger than oneself

• Pursuit of joy through meaningful relationships and contributions to community

The transition between mountains often involves:

• A crisis or period of suffering

• Reassessment of values and priorities

• Recognition of the limitations of individualism

• Desire for deeper connection and purpose

"Love is a union of souls. When one member of a couple suffers from Alzheimer's, the other doesn't just go away. Instead, as Lewis puts it, love says, 'Better this than parting. Better to be miserable with her than happy without her.'"

The journey of intimacy progresses through several stages, each deepening the connection between partners:

1. The Glance: Initial attraction and interest

2. Curiosity: Desire to know more about the other person

3. Dialogue: Mutual unveiling and sharing of personal stories

4. Combustion: Intense emotional and physical connection

5. Crisis: Confronting differences and challenges

6. Forgiveness: Working through conflicts and rebuilding trust

7. Fusion: Deep emotional and spiritual connection

Key elements in building lasting intimacy:

• Vulnerability and willingness to be known

• Active listening and empathy

• Shared experiences and challenges

• Commitment to growth and forgiveness

• Balancing individuality with unity

As relationships mature, they evolve from passionate love to a deeper, more enduring bond characterized by mutual support, shared history, and a sense of unity in the face of life's challenges.

"Marriage is not just a relationship; it is a covenant. It's a moral promise to hold fast through thick and thin."

Marriage as moral formation shapes individuals through the daily practice of love, compromise, and selflessness. It serves as:

• A school for character development

• A crucible for personal growth

• A foundation for building a shared life and legacy

Key aspects of a strong marriage:

• Commitment: Choosing to love and support each other daily

• Communication: Open, honest dialogue and active listening

• Conflict resolution: Learning to navigate disagreements constructively

• Shared values and goals: Building a life together with common purpose

• Forgiveness and grace: Accepting each other's flaws and offering second chances

The challenges of marriage often lead to personal transformation:

• Overcoming selfishness and ego

• Developing empathy and understanding

• Learning to compromise and sacrifice

• Building resilience through shared struggles

Ultimately, a successful marriage requires ongoing recommitment, adapting to life's changes while maintaining a core of love and mutual respect.

"Vocation does not come from willfulness. It comes from listening. I must listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about—quite apart from what I would like it to be about."

Discovering one's vocation involves a journey of self-discovery and alignment with deeper values and passions. It differs from a career in several key ways:

CareerVocationFocused on external rewardsDriven by inner callingShaped by market demandsGuided by personal values and talentsAims for success and achievementSeeks fulfillment and contributionOften chosen for practical reasonsEmerges from deep-seated desires

Steps to finding your vocation:

1. Listen to your life: Reflect on moments of deep engagement and joy

2. Identify recurring themes and interests

3. Explore different fields and experiences

4. Seek mentorship and guidance

5. Be open to unexpected opportunities and callings

Characteristics of a true vocation:

• Combines personal passion with societal needs

• Provides a sense of purpose beyond financial gain

• Engages your unique talents and strengths

• Feels like a natural extension of your authentic self

• Inspires continual growth and learning

Embracing your vocation often requires courage to defy conventional expectations and trust in your inner wisdom. It may involve periods of uncertainty and struggle, but ultimately leads to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

"Faith is homesickness. Faith is a lump in the throat. Faith is less a position on than a movement toward, less a sure thing than a hunch. Faith is waiting."

The faith journey is characterized by a gradual transformation of one's worldview and sense of self. It involves:

• Questioning previously held beliefs

• Embracing mystery and uncertainty

• Surrendering control to a higher power

• Developing a sense of awe and wonder

Stages of faith development:

1. Awakening: Initial curiosity or spiritual experiences

2. Exploration: Seeking understanding through study and practice

3. Doubt and struggle: Wrestling with difficult questions and contradictions

4. Surrender: Letting go of the need for certainty and control

5. Integration: Incorporating faith into daily life and decision-making

Key aspects of a mature faith:

• Humility: Recognizing the limits of human understanding

• Openness: Willingness to engage with different perspectives

• Service: Expressing faith through action and care for others

• Community: Sharing the journey with fellow seekers

• Gratitude: Cultivating appreciation for life's blessings

Faith often involves periods of darkness and doubt, which can lead to deeper understanding and commitment. It's not about achieving certainty, but about learning to trust and find meaning in the face of life's complexities.

"Community is connection based on mutual affection. Tribalism, in the sense I'm using it here, is connection based on mutual hatred. Community is based on common humanity; tribalism on common foe."

Creating vibrant communities requires intentional effort to foster connection and shared purpose. Key elements include:

• Shared stories and values

• Regular gatherings and rituals

• Mutual support and care

• Collaborative projects and goals

Steps to building community:

1. Identify common interests or needs

2. Create spaces for regular interaction

3. Encourage vulnerability and authentic sharing

4. Develop shared traditions and celebrations

5. Engage in collective problem-solving and action

Challenges to community building:

• Individualism and self-sufficiency culture

• Digital distractions and virtual connections

• Busy schedules and competing priorities

• Fear of vulnerability and rejection

• Lack of shared physical spaces

Successful communities foster a sense of belonging, provide emotional support, and create opportunities for personal growth and collective action. They require ongoing commitment and effort from members to maintain and strengthen connections over time.

"You are not even the owner of yourself. Your talents merely flow through you; you give yourself to the one who made you."

Personal and collective narratives play a crucial role in shaping our sense of identity, values, and purpose. Stories help us:

• Make meaning of our experiences

• Connect with others and build empathy

• Envision possibilities for the future

• Transmit cultural values and wisdom

Key elements of powerful stories:

• Clear narrative arc: Beginning, middle, and end

• Relatable characters and conflicts

• Emotional resonance

• Universal themes

• Call to action or transformation

The importance of story in different contexts:

Community building:

• Shared history and traditions

• Collective vision for the future

• Celebration of local heroes and achievements

Personal growth:

• Reframing past experiences

• Identifying patterns and themes in one's life

• Creating a compelling vision for the future

Faith and spirituality:

• Sacred texts and parables

• Testimonies of transformation

• Myths and symbols that convey deeper truths

By consciously shaping and sharing our stories, we can foster deeper connections, inspire change, and create a sense of purpose that transcends individual achievement.