What Did You Expect? receives high praise for its biblical approach to marriage, emphasizing the need for grace, forgiveness, and God-centered worship. Readers appreciate Tripp's realistic portrayal of marriage challenges and his focus on personal accountability. Some find the book repetitive and lengthy, while others consider it transformative. It's recommended for engaged couples and those seeking to improve their marriages. The book's core message is that marriage problems often stem from self-centeredness and require ongoing effort, reliance on God's grace, and a commitment to personal growth.
Marriage is a journey of two flawed people in a fallen world
Love is more than attraction; it's selfless commitment and action
Trust is the foundation of a strong marriage
Effective communication is vital for marital harmony
Differences can strengthen a marriage when approached with grace
Forgiveness is essential for healing and growth in marriage
Intentional effort is required to maintain and protect your marriage
God's grace and presence are crucial for marital success
You are a sinner married to a sinner, and you live in a fallen world.
Reality check: Marriage is not a fairy tale. It's a union of two imperfect individuals navigating life's challenges together. This reality requires:
Acceptance of each other's flaws
Patience and understanding during difficult times
A commitment to personal growth and mutual support
Grace in action: Recognizing this truth allows couples to approach their relationship with humility and compassion. Instead of expecting perfection, they can:
Celebrate progress and small victories
Support each other through failures and setbacks
Work together to overcome obstacles and grow stronger as a team
Love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving.
Redefining love: True marital love goes beyond feelings and attraction. It's a choice to prioritize your spouse's well-being over your own desires. This involves:
Putting your partner's needs before your own
Making sacrifices without expecting anything in return
Showing love even when it's difficult or undeserved
Love in practice: Couples can cultivate this kind of love by:
Regularly performing acts of service for each other
Expressing appreciation and affection consistently
Supporting each other's goals and dreams, even at personal cost
Choosing to love during conflicts or challenging times
Trust is being so convinced that you can rely on the integrity, strength, character, and faithfulness of another that you are willing to place yourself in his or her care.
Building trust: Trust is not automatic; it's built over time through consistent actions and reliability. Key components include:
Honesty and transparency in all aspects of life
Keeping promises and following through on commitments
Respecting boundaries and maintaining confidentiality
Maintaining trust: Once established, trust requires ongoing nurture:
Address issues promptly and honestly
Avoid secrecy or behaviors that could breed suspicion
Be willing to be vulnerable with each other
Consistently demonstrate reliability in both big and small matters
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Communication skills: Healthy communication involves more than just talking. It requires:
Active listening without interrupting or preparing rebuttals
Expressing thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully
Being open to feedback and willing to compromise
Practical tips:
Set aside regular time for meaningful conversations
Use "I" statements to express feelings without blaming
Practice empathy by trying to understand your partner's perspective
Address conflicts promptly, focusing on solutions rather than accusations
God decided to leave you in this fallen world to live, love, and work, because he intended to use the difficulties you face to do something in you that couldn't be done any other way.
Embracing differences: Instead of viewing differences as obstacles, see them as opportunities for growth and complementarity. This mindset shift involves:
Appreciating your spouse's unique qualities and strengths
Learning from each other's perspectives and experiences
Finding ways to blend your differences into a stronger whole
Practical application:
Identify and celebrate each other's strengths
Divide responsibilities based on individual skills and preferences
Approach conflicts as opportunities to understand each other better
Use differences to challenge and inspire personal growth
We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.
Power of forgiveness: Forgiveness is not a one-time event but an ongoing process that:
Releases resentment and bitterness
Allows for healing and restoration of the relationship
Creates an atmosphere of grace and acceptance
Forgiveness in action:
Admit wrongs quickly and sincerely
Seek forgiveness without making excuses
Grant forgiveness freely, even when it's difficult
Work together to address underlying issues and prevent future offenses
A marriage of love, unity, and understanding is not rooted in romance; it is rooted in worship.
Proactive approach: A thriving marriage doesn't happen by accident. It requires:
Regular investment of time and energy
Commitment to shared goals and values
Willingness to work through difficulties together
Practical steps:
Schedule regular date nights and quality time together
Set and review relationship goals as a couple
Seek help when facing challenges (e.g., counseling, mentors)
Continuously educate yourselves on building a strong marriage
Protect your marriage from external threats (e.g., inappropriate relationships, time-consuming activities)
There is never a moment in our marriage when we are not in need of the rescuing, enabling, delivering grace of the Redeemer.
Divine assistance: Recognizing the need for God's help in marriage leads to:
Humility and reliance on a higher power
Access to wisdom and strength beyond human capacity
A shared spiritual foundation for the relationship
Practical application:
Pray together regularly for your marriage and each other
Study and apply biblical principles to your relationship
Seek God's guidance in decision-making and conflict resolution
Participate in a faith community for support and accountability
Remember that God's grace is sufficient in times of struggle